Walk Like a Man

I can’t remember a time when I couldn’t look at someone else and feel exactly what they feel. I’ve been told I show empathy well, which may be true, but I am confident that it is the Holy Spirit at work within me, leading and pushing me to pursue others. God has crafted me to be a deep connector, and I walk through life with a deeply engrained desire to connect with people.

Dependence on Christ is my only sustenance, my only sanctification, my only salvation. It’s been an on-going lesson from God that I keep rejecting and ignoring. My fleshy longing to be affirmed and approved by people is a driving force of my own pride and sin. I often mix up the God-given desire to connect with people and the sinful and fleshy desire to be affirmed by them. This is dangerous territory. Anyone who is a deep connector knows no matter how diligent your effort to love and invest, people will always let you down.

This is my greatest treasure as well as my heaviest burden.

It brings me to a great point, however, and that is what does it look like take my desire and my gifting, and apply it to being a man, to act like a man, and to walk like a man? The things I listed above that are so prevalent in my own life have quite the feminine connotation, to me at least. For years I have struggled with and questioned God on His reasoning for gifting me with a wealth of emotion, compassion, and desire for connection with others. How foolish of me. Men are connectors, men are leaders, men are followers of Christ; boys refute these things. I am not a boy.

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13 – this verse (which camp used for its Father/Son retreat this Fall) speaks volumes. Again, what does it look like to stand firm, act like a man, and be strong? In my experience (and definitely not to my own success), these things meet that criteria:

A man has self-control | I have a Labrador retriever named Bella, she has ruined enough water hoses, tools, wires, and other household things to sufficiently pay for and feed another dog for the entirety of its life. She’s a handful, but I love her for that. She is also extremely intelligent! It takes a couple of treats, a firm voice and teaching style, and a little bit of time to teach her a new trick and have her performing it. Why is this so easy? The treat is a big part, Bella often will act for the treat only, and not for the courtesy of pleasing her owner. This is so similar to me and God. I often seek a treat for being (or thinking that I am being) obedient to Him. The real treat is the free gift of salvation through Jesus, which is infinite, and yet I seek more from God for me. Even though I am unable to please God through my own merits, my purpose in this life is to reflect Christ through my actions, and point people to Him. That, my friends, is pleasing to God. Self-control is knowing how to tame the flesh when it roars, and we turn away from God. By no means do I have an answer for how to do this, but a man must be sensitive to the Spirit’s guiding, and use that to control himself, and remain above reproach.

“For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.”

Titus 1:7-8

A man respects women | I am writing this blog two days out from the most historic election in the history of the United States. We have a female candidate at nominated to be President by one of the major two parties in our political system for the first time in the history of our nation. Our other candidate is an outsider who has challenged the political establishment and gotten the same amount of traction as new tires from the truck factory. Neither of them have a moral compass that I would choose to follow, but my point here is that we now live in a world that treats women differently than Biblical times and even in recent history. The world today is one that empowers women to lead, and this is great. In the same light, men as leaders, as heads of the household, and as models of Christ are called to respect women, and care for them. Men are designed to be the Spiritual leader; this is obviously a contested topic, but my opinion is that that was and is God’s intention, and when man is passive and doesn’t lead, we end up with a similar situation to that of what happened in Eden. Men are designed to lead, and to care for and respect women; this comes with large responsibility and expectation from God. A man respects women through words, through actions, through how he acts when no one is looking.

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

Colossians 3:19

A man is cautious with his words | Just look at James. How can a mouth that blesses its Father and curses its brother coexist? It can’t, righteously. I often accidentally let a word slip that I shouldn’t say, or make a joke at someone else’s expense to get a laugh. Even in serious conversations, the words that are spoken from a man’s mouth carry weight – God designed it that way. Sarcasm ruins relationships, plain and simple. Men build friendships and relationships on the foundation of Christ, not of banter and belittlement. A man is cautious with his words, and challenges other men to be cautious with their own as well.

“And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not be so.”

James 3:6-10

A man is loving | The manly thing to do seemingly isn’t to be loving. Scripture calls us to a different reality though, and that is one of Christ-like love and the outpouring of such. I would argue that showing that love, and being loving fulfills the call to be firm, act like a man, and stand strong. Christ was loving, Christ is still loving. If a man’s calling is to live His life to glorify Jesus, then part of a man’s calling is to be loving.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23

A man is humble | Pride is an evil sin; God despises it. Pride is what created the rebellion in heaven pre-creation, pride effectively led to temptation of the first sin committed by Adam and Eve – pride is where evil began. The notion that you are inherently better than someone else in general, or at something, or in a certain environment is pride. Satan thought he deserved more honor and glorification than God – pride. Adam and Eve found their own desire and curiosity met with a choice to deliberately disobey God, and they chose the latter – pride. Daily, I choose myself and my fleshy desire over active humility and putting forth a diligent effort to humble myself like Scripture calls me to do – pride. That is not manly. A man is humble, and a man puts others before himself. A man knows his place, and that place is a servant. Our purpose in all that we do is to glorify God, and use our daily walk to do so. He guides our steps, and we do have the choice to glorify Him, seek our own sanctification, and further His Kingdom. To not do these things is an act of pride, because walking through the world for our own interest effectively prioritizes said interests before what the Gospel calls us too. Again, that is pride. Live in humility!

“Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.”

1 Peter 5:5-7

What is the big picture here? All of these traits and qualities are things that have only been perfectly achieved by Jesus Christ. A man is someone who is in a constant and perpetual pursuit of an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ over the course of his life. I fall very short of this definition, as does everyone else, but luckily for us, Christ pursues us infinitely. Our God is faithful, and when we fall, He lifts us up. I’ll never be a true man on my own, but my active choice to be sensitive to the Spirit’s guidance and to follow Jesus puts me on the right path.

What path are you walking on?